Hi Babluuuu,
Here we are, two very different versions of people at very similar kind of crossroads, again. I think writing to you just makes it easier for me to feel like I belong with you. So here I am, writing again, hoping we make it through this too cuz no matter what I say or portray on the outside, I'm still that clingy girl from HPS who's always been madly in love with you. I know life and love look very different right now than what they used to be, but the core of it, for me, will always be the beautiful feeling that you are home. Home that makes me feel warm on a snowy day and hopeful on the rainy ones. And I'll forever be grateful for that. Grateful that you exist.
I feel so many things right now and I know I can't put all of that in a single email cuz then it'll just sound like me rambling like always lol, so I'll just stick to a few.
I feel like running to you right this moment and burying my face in your chest. I somehow feel that's always been my escape from reality whenever life's been bumpy. Maybe it'll calm things this time too, at least in my head it does.
I recently read somewhere — “Of course you'll hurt me. Of course I'll hurt you & of course we'll hurt each other. But that is the very condition of existence. To become spring means accepting the risk of winter. To become present means accepting the risk of absence.”
I think that's what we've experienced these last few months, how much we took this for granted, but that's what makes us human, no? Realizing the true importance of something only when it's beginning to change. But humari galtiyaan abhi masoom hain, toh suno, ho sake toh laut aana. Ye kahaani abhi adhoori hain. ✋🏻
Here's a twist, I'm gonna manifest something from the bottom of my heart. I'm manifesting that we work this out, that #BTwithPAn happens, that I get to live with you and fight over which furniture to buy, that Friday nights look like you, me and a joint in our balcony, that our doggo babies choose you as the fav parent, that I get to watch your broody face while you bite the inner corners of your mouth more often, that we sit in random bars and laugh our asses off, that we keep arguing about where to eat, that I keep pissing you off with random items in my cart, that you make yum biryanis for Sunday lunches & my birthdays, that we travel to the most amaze places, that I drag you out to clubs to dance, that we watch endless number of sunsets together, that you keep making me laugh with your dad jokes.
I'm manifesting that we become the most amazing versions of ourselves, that life at 30 has you picking me up from work and that I get to grow old with you. That's always been the plan, na? Beech mein thoda sa glitch hogaya but that only made me realize how much this matters. Galti nahi karoge toh kadar kaise karoge, na?
I hope we get to read this email at 30 and realize that manifestations do work and life works out in mysterious ways. 🌼
You're always going to be the sweet guy that got me blushing right since 10th grade. And hasn't really stopped lol. Have you noticed I still can't hold eye contact for long cuz you make me blush? Haha. *smiles uncontrollably while writing this* I've spent the most amaze time with you, Bablu and thank you for that, thank you for being my person. If I ever killed someone, I'd call you to help me with the body lol.
Last paragraph, I promise. Appudu adigav kada what songs I'd dedicate to you, here you go—
But seriously though, how could we ever just be friends?
These songs kind of speak to me at the moment, they calm me down when things start to look hazy, they keep me grounded and remind of my home. You. 🌙
Please do listen to them!!!
I hope you have an amazingly beautiful 2023 filled with everything you've ever wished for, topped with an extra dollop of sunshine and stardust. And know that we'll always have each other for the slightly rainy days. You're the love of my life, you always have been, there's no finding another love like you! ✨❤️
P.S: I love you so much that it hurts. And it's beautiful kyu ki sirf mera haq hain ispe. You're my apricity. 😶🌫️💛